Worried is a word I hear all too often - worried I won’t get better, worried about the thoughts, worried about heart palpitations, worried worried worried.
These are side effects that you’re worrying about. It’s like worrying about the side effects of a cold - the sore throat, runny nose, aches etc. Its pointless worrying about these because it won’t make the cold go away any quicker and you know once the cold goes then so too will the sore throat and runny nose. Same for anxiety. Worrying about the side effects of anxiety is pointless as it’s not going to cure the anxiety, but instead will add to it. I know how hard it is to not be alarmed by all the sensations you experience, but just know that anxiety causes it all. Even those intrusive thoughts. You don’t need to fix your palpitations, your fear or panic, sweating, ringing in the ears, dry mouth, headaches, feeling dizzy, the detached feeling, or any other symptoms - because they’re all caused by anxiety. Worrying about these causes more anxiety which then produces more of these symptoms. Can you see the cycle? I know you can’t just switch off any fears you have, but understanding anxiety, its side effects and how it works is the first key to overcoming anxiety. Knowing what’s happening, why its happening will help your mind from flailing around. Most people who have anxiety will have a racing mind, intrusive thoughts, inward thinking, scary thoughts, and are constantly focused on themselves. This again is another side effect of anxiety. All this thinking causes a feeling of detachment and is because your mind is tired and you feel cut off from the world. Again another side effect of anxiety. All these side effects will ease off as the anxiety eases off, and you’ll find the worse your anxiety is then the worse the side effects. Intrusive thoughts / racing mind seem to be the most distressing of all the side effects and people will try many things to stop them. Distraction, keeping busy, trying to think of other things, Vitamins, increasing or decreasing your anti-depressants, searching and searching on the internet for an answer ……… when all this does is cause even more anxiety. Worrying, thinking, analysing all this will do nothing at all for you. Breaking the worry is the second key to recovering. When you have a fearsome, anxious thought (along with any anxiety feeling that washes over you) you need to let that thought come, let it be there, but you need to then resist analysing that thought, replaying it over in your head, looking at it from all angles ……. because you’ve already had the thought and analysing etc is just adding on more thoughts about the thought. By thinking about the thought you’re keeping that thought replaying round and round your head, keeping that fear locked in. You can’t stop those intrusive thoughts but you can stop the analysis of it. Ok that intrusive thought will be present and it will hang over you - let it. Just resist the temptation to check it out or analyse it. Even positive affirmations are secondary thinking (thinking about the think) ie you have a fearsome thought of you might harm someone and you then think ‘ah its just anxiety, it will go’. Well that is secondary thinking too. So resist any secondary thoughts about the first thought. I see all too often people will read this, say ok I get it, I know what I must try to do ………. and then in the next breath they’ll say ‘its just that I’m worried about being stuck like this’ ….. or, ‘its just that I’m worried about the palpitations’. And there they go again with that ‘worried’ word. Again this is head chatter / secondary thinking. You know you’re worried about not recovering or the palpitations so let that thoughts come, but don’t analyse it. Once that thought has popped into your head its done, its the past, its history, its happened - do not head chat about it. So that ‘worried’ word should be ‘worr…..’ stopping it in its tracks. Stopping secondary thing isn’t easy and don’t expect to do it once and then feel relief from anxiety. You won’t - not yet anyway. But what you might start to find is your head might start to feel a little less cloudy, and that’s because you’re stopping all that head chatter. You’re giving your mind a rest. Stopping the head chatter takes time, so practicing it one day doesn’t mean tomorrow you’ll be anxiety free - but - continued practice will bring about the relief you so desire. On your journey to recovery you will take the anxiety with you, and during this time the it will fluctuate many times, so some days you’ll feel bad and some days slightly better, some weeks you’ll feel bad and some weeks slightly better. This is how recovery works - so understand anxiety and side effects, let those thoughts be there (don’t stop them), don’t add on any head chatter about them (resist the temptation), expect the anxiety to fluctuate, let as much time pass as it needs to and let anxiety walk alongside you on your journey.
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A thought came to me the other night about how to explain primary and secondary thoughts, and how to deal with them - something I talk of regularly. So ... here’s a test I’d like you to try: Pick up a pen. Look at the pen for a little while. Put the pen down and walk away. Strange? So the pen represents a daily thought you have, any thought, good or bad. This is how everyone’s thoughts pops into our minds. Looking at it means you’ve registered it in your mind for a while, and putting it down and walking away is you just leaving it and forgetting about it. This is how normal daily thoughts come and go. So, now we’ll try it again but with something different. Pick up a pen. Look at it for a little while. Write your name. Draw on your arm. Look at the pen again and observe the colour, the style, does it have black or blue ink, or even another colour, is the pen slim or is it a chunky pen, does it have a tiny fluffy toy on the end, do you have to click it or swivel to reveal the nib, where did you buy the pen, maybe someone gave it to you, who gave it to you, when did they give it to you, how long will the pen last before it breaks, why did you write on your arm, what did you write, how much did you write, will it wash off, how did you write your name on the paper, is your name short or long, were you named after anyone, is it a family name ......... ...... these questions can be endless, and one leads to another. So, again the pen was your thought again, only this time it was accompanied by anxiety, writing on your arm and the paper were 2 separate side effects which were caused by the pen, and the analysis of the pen is the head chatter you do about the anxious thought. Can you see that the analysis of the pen and it’s side effects keeps the thought of the pen in your mind - because let’s face it, you probably didn’t think of anything else then. So it’s the analysis of the pen (head chatter) that you need to stop in order for you to be able to lose that thought. Ok, so the pen didn’t make you feel anxious, and I did think about saying every thought you have about the pen you’re to poke yourself in the arm with the nib to represent the anxiety feeling ...... but nah, we can imagine the anxiety, not create pain. So, how do we stop the head chatter? Let’s now try the next test: Pick up the pen (represents the anxious thought). Feel it in your hand (awareness of the thought being there). Do not look at the pen, however much you want to, do not look at it. Not a glimpse. Just feel it in your hand. Now go and pour yourself a glass of water and still do not look at the pen, but only feel it in your hand (best use a plastic cup being one handed lol). Next pick up some fruit or a biscuit or something to eat, again not looking at the pen, just being aware of the feeling in your hand. Finally, put the pen down. So that last exercise represented you having the thought arrive in your mind (picking up the pen), and just holding it and feeling it is you being aware the thought is present in your mind. Not looking at the pen is you not revisiting the thought to analyse it, and pouring yourself a cup of water, eating food whilst still holding the pen is you going about your day taking the thought with you and being aware of its presence, and resisting looking at it is you not head chattering about it. This is what I mean about primary and secondary thoughts. The primary thought is the pen and the secondary thoughts are the head chatter / analysis of the pen. We stop the secondary thoughts even though we’ll be aware of them for a while (carrying the pen, feeling it and being aware of it). Head chatter (secondary thoughts) about the primary thought (or pen) will keep the awareness of the primary thought constantly revolving round your mind. You cannot find an answer to the anxious thought and it doesn’t matter because you can’t solve an unsolvable question. By stopping the secondary thoughts then I can guarantee you the primary thought will lose its grip on you, you will lose the fear of it and you will be able to put the pen down and walk away in time. If you keep reminding yourself of the intrusive thought that you want to lose, then you won’t if you keep head chattering about it or anything to do with the anxiety condition. You probably have multiple thoughts and you don’t have to treat each one separately, one at a time. So pick up all the pens in your pencil case and carry them around not looking at any of them. Not one. This is how to treat ALL anxious thinking. You don’t separate each one, treating each one at a time - however many pens you pick up, treat them all at the same time. Stop head chattering about the thought, just be aware of any thought as you go about your day and the thought will go. Stop thinking about the think. |
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