Many people take anti depressants, and SSRI’s seem to be the favoured group of medicines over the older type tricyclics. I often read how people have resisted this type of medicine as if they’re going to be labelled as some kind of nut, be addicted to them, seen as being weak or some other strange notion they’ve conjured up. Let me tell you … these medicines are there to help you and are designed to work on this type of ailment just the same as blood pressure meds help those with high blood pressure, a pain killer to help with pain, insulin for those with diabetes … so what’s wrong with taking antidepressants to help with depression, anxiety etc? Just take them. You wouldn’t expect a heart patient to try and cope with his issue without medicine or specialist help, so why is depression / anxiety any different? Seeking help or taking medicine does not make you weak, does not label you as insane, does not make you addicted to them. Depression / anxiety etc is a medicinal condition just the same as having any other medicinal condition, so please don’t ever be afraid to reach out for help or antidepressants. SSRI’s will absolutely help you and why struggle with the quality of your life when it can be remedied? I’ve written many blog posts about the Dr Weekes / Paul David method of acceptance, and yes, whilst this works, it is difficult to live alongside anxiety whilst you recover and some people just can’t grasp the acceptance notion. So do both - take medicine and study the Weekes method, as you’ll find the method makes more sense as your mind begins to clear. SSRI’s can be tough to take and many people give them up as can’t tolerate them. My experience with them has always been positive and were the only thing (at the time) to help me recover from 15 years of of / off anxiety. There are many different types of SSRI’s and if one doesn’t suit you then you can try others - however, you need to give one type at least 6 months before you can tell. You will not get instant results from SSRI’s and don’t expect to feel well in 6-8 weeks either as many health professionals tell you. Also it’s not a straight progressive ascending line to happiness, but instead you feel up and down for a long time. Some people feel better after about 2 weeks of taking meds, but beware, as this often proves false and you will probably come crashing down again. Don’t worry though as this is perfectly normal and is a pattern that will repeat itself over and over as you recover on your journey. This down spiral is called setbacks (blips) and they’re part of the recovery process as your body adjusts to the meds. It feels like you’ve gone backwards and many people despair, rush to their doctor and often get their dose increased. This will not relieve the setback. What dose should you take? That’s all personal and depends on you, your body, shape, size maybe …… and tolerance. If in doubt start low and work your way up to the required dose, but do this over a long time and not in days as you might as well just start on a high dose. These meds have side effects and no 2 people will experience the same ones, so do not compare yourself to someone else. Each persons meds journey is unique to them. The meds often make you feel worse to start with as they raise your anxiety levels, so this is why it’s best to start on a low dose. Also when you increase your dose you may also feel heightened symptoms again until all settles. This anxiety increase does calm down and it’s usually only the first few weeks you’ll feel this. How do you know if you’re on the right dose for you? That’s a difficult one and it’s often trial and error getting it just right, but I’d say if you’ve reached the required therapeutic dose prescribed by your doctor, then stick with it for a very long, long time - 6 months at least. The bigger the dose does not mean the quicker they’ll work. You cannot recover quick on these meds and certainly not from anxiety. Remember, it’s what dose suits your body and taking too much can often mean you’ll have continuous side effects and anxiety. Lowering your dose usually remedies this. Usually around month 3 people often have started getting good days (or hours) mixed with bad days, and this is how recovery starts to feel. It creeps in gradually and you may start experiencing the odd time here and there when you feel at peace from your symptoms (as if someone has switched the lights on) - people often think they’re recovered and become disappointed when a setback crops up thinking they’re ill again. You’re not - this is how recovery works and those setbacks will come back time after time until they gradually get weaker and finally stop coming. Having setbacks means you are recovering (not the other way round). So expect an up and down affair - read up on the Weekes / Paul David method of acceptance and try to apply it when you have a setback. You can’t stop setbacks, but working with acceptance helps immensely and is something you can apply at anytime. How do these meds work? Serotonin is a neurotransmitter and helps to make us feel happy (think of it as your happy hormone). Serotonin passes along our nerves (we have millions of them in the body) and when it reaches the end of the nerve it passes through a gap called the Synapses and gathers there for a while before being absorbed by the next nerve ending to travel along that one. The abundance of Serotonin in the Synapses gap is what makes us feel good, so what the SSRI medicine does is that it stops the Serotonin being absorbed too quickly from the gap, allowing it to accumulate there longer before it’s absorbed. This abundance makes us feel happy (hence SSRI meaning Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor). This process of accumulating Serotonin is why we first feel all these side effects - the abundance makes us feel happy, then absorption makes us crash etc etc, over and over until our body adapts. How long should you stay on meds? I’ve read that it’s best to stay on meds for at least 12 months - and you can take these for life if needed. They are not addictive!! Addictive meds means your body becomes used to the dose and will then need higher doses to achieve the same results, over and over. SSRI’s do not work like that at all - once your dose works then it will continue to do so without needing to increase. Withdrawing from meds: When recovered many decide they no longer need the meds and decide to withdraw. Never do this on your own, so please discuss with your doctor. One thing I will emphasise is to NEVER, EVER stop these abruptly (cold turkey) because you will certainly crash and become very ill, and probably feel worse than you did when first suffering with anxiety. The sudden ceasing of these meds will make your body cry out for Serotonin, and it’s a very unpleasant and often frightening experience. I personally spent a year withdrawing, reducing my meds by 5mg each time which was gentle on my body - in fact my body didn’t notice at all so I had a symptom free withdrawal. See my page on Coming off SSRI's. If you have gone cold turkey and feel ill then you must speak to your doctor and reinstate your meds again AT A LOW DOSE to ease your body back onto them. Don’t go straight onto your normal dose but do it gradually. Too high a dose and you’ll get medicine start up symptoms mixed with withdrawal symptoms. Restarting at a low dose won’t feel well immediately but over time the symptoms will ease. Wait until you feel well and then withdraw slowly and more responsibly. Many people find once they’ve withdrawn from these meds safely, that their anxiety can return. This is often because they’ve not learnt about anxiety, acceptance etc so at the first sign of not feeling right, they make the same mistake as before and start questioning it, trying to fix it, fight it which leads straight back into the anxiety cycle again. As well as taking meds, study the Weekes / Paul David method because this will always stand by you throughout life whether you take meds or not. One important thing to always know is that there is nothing quick about anxiety. It doesn’t start quickly overnight, you can’t fix it quickly, acceptance doesn’t work quickly, medicine doesn’t work quickly and withdrawing doesn’t work quick either. Everything takes it time and you cannot hurry anything when it comes to the anxiety condition - and if you try, then it’ll make it worse. So take your meds, persevere, read the Weekes / Paul David method too to educate yourself, and persevere some more. The relief you’re looking for will come to you in its own time. Remember - always consult your doctor or health care professional for advice on your medication.
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I was sent a very inspirational song by Robert Oliver, who wrote about his own personal journey with anxiety through lyrics and music, and hopes it gives solace and inspiration for others. This song is dedicated to anyone who has suffered from anxiety, and the message of this acknowledges their despair, provides hope and that recovery is an option. Thank you so very much Robert for sharing this song and also for sharing your journey too, and I'm sure many people will find this deeply moving and very inspirational as I did. Song - Hell and Back - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyBBgaUSGzU More about Rob Oliver Band - roboliverband.bandcamp.com/music Acceptance is something I read about 40 years ago in the Dr Claire Weekes books, but I could never really understand fully what it meant. Yes I accepted I had intrusive thoughts, I knew that, they were in my face 24/7, but how was that to help me? That’s not what acceptance is about and this was something I was to learn over the following years. Acceptance doesn’t mean to know you have these thoughts, but acceptance means letting go of the fight with the thoughts, to allow them to be present and to not get into an argument with them, to not analyse them, not to get entangled with them. The latest book by Sally Winston I added to Resources is a great read and describes just exactly what our mind does when we have these thoughts, and explains what we should not be doing and what we should do instead. You cannot stop these thoughts because your mind creates them, but its what we do with these thoughts and how we react to them that will eventually bring us peace of mind, and for the thoughts to leave us alone. Intrusive thoughts can be about anything, and they’re all personal to each of us. Particular thoughts will terrify one person and won’t bother another, but that other person will be battling their own specific thoughts. Whatever your intrusive thoughts are about, they all frighten each of us to the same degree. You are not going insane, becoming psychotic or about to suffer with schizophrenia - you are simply a normal person who has become trapped in the cycle of fearsome thoughts. Thoughts usually accompany anxiety or panic - and often people will just have thoughts about the anxiety feelings themselves or they could be strange wacky thoughts. Sally’s book describes lots of these thoughts in detail and I certainly recognised some of my thoughts in them. As discussed in other posts, we have to first accept that we have these intrusive thoughts and you must understand that you cannot get rid of them in an instant. The more you try and stop them, suppress them, avoid them, try to think of something else, replace them with positive thoughts, distract yourself, pray, meditate etc then the more they will stick and the more they grow. If you’ve struggled with intrusive thoughts for years as I had, then whatever you’re doing must be wrong - because you’ve still got them. Correct? So what do we do? We leave them alone - and that doesn’t mean carry on with what you’re doing, but it means literally leaving them alone with your mind. Let those thoughts come and let them be present in your mind - but we must not start that inner dialogue with them, not get entangled with them. Example - a thought will crop up and that inner voice will start ‘oh gosh, what can I do, I’ll always have this thought’ and its accompanied by a whoosh of anxiety. You’ll reason with it ‘you won’t always have this thought, it will go, don’t despair’. The other voice responds ‘but what if nothing works, what if the medication doesn’t work, what if I actually carry out my intrusive thought, who is to stop me’? The other voice replies ‘but you won’t carry it out, its not you, stop worrying, it will go’. And so this is often how the inner dialogue will carry on in your mind (it certainly did with me) - one voice that is full of doubt and anxiety and other other voice that tries to reason with it. All this does is make you worse and you never find a solution. If you actually stop having this inner conversation with yourself you will slowly break the cycle. Stop getting involved. First equip yourself with the Paul David and Claire Weekes books so you have a background of where the anxiety, panic and thoughts have come from - then start stopping getting involved with your inner dialogue. To keep head chatting about the thoughts, feelings, urges etc then you are keeping yourself trapped in the cycle. Each thought is probably accompanied with a whoosh of anxiety, which just keeps the fire burning. Acceptance means letting all those thoughts be there, acceptance means to stop trying to fix yourself, acceptance means stop looking for relief, acceptance means stop looking for reassurance, acceptance means stop searching the internet, acceptance means understanding this takes time - and acceptance means stop getting entangled with the intrusive thoughts. Leave them alone and they will go. Not yet - it takes time for this new approach to take effect. Acceptance can be applied to feelings of anxiety and panic too - leave alone, let them happen, do not get into that inner dialogue about why they’re there. Acceptance is the way forward. It a simple method, but it certainly is not easy. Its difficult, but 1000’s of people have done this and recovered. They are not special people, they also thought the same as you that other people can do this but not me - you are one of those people who can do this too. Take a look at the Resources page for books and links on this method. Acceptance ….. accept it all. Check out the Resources Page as I’ve added a couple more links to books and Youtube videos. Sally Winston’s book Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts is a great read and the private Facebook group run by Shaan Kassam (his Youtube video’s too). All the self help books and youtube links all follow the same method first pioneered by Dr Claire Weekes. This method is the true way to recovery and one that I followed. Worried is a word I hear all too often - worried I won’t get better, worried about the thoughts, worried about heart palpitations, worried worried worried.
These are side effects that you’re worrying about. It’s like worrying about the side effects of a cold - the sore throat, runny nose, aches etc. Its pointless worrying about these because it won’t make the cold go away any quicker and you know once the cold goes then so too will the sore throat and runny nose. Same for anxiety. Worrying about the side effects of anxiety is pointless as it’s not going to cure the anxiety, but instead will add to it. I know how hard it is to not be alarmed by all the sensations you experience, but just know that anxiety causes it all. Even those intrusive thoughts. You don’t need to fix your palpitations, your fear or panic, sweating, ringing in the ears, dry mouth, headaches, feeling dizzy, the detached feeling, or any other symptoms - because they’re all caused by anxiety. Worrying about these causes more anxiety which then produces more of these symptoms. Can you see the cycle? I know you can’t just switch off any fears you have, but understanding anxiety, its side effects and how it works is the first key to overcoming anxiety. Knowing what’s happening, why its happening will help your mind from flailing around. Most people who have anxiety will have a racing mind, intrusive thoughts, inward thinking, scary thoughts, and are constantly focused on themselves. This again is another side effect of anxiety. All this thinking causes a feeling of detachment and is because your mind is tired and you feel cut off from the world. Again another side effect of anxiety. All these side effects will ease off as the anxiety eases off, and you’ll find the worse your anxiety is then the worse the side effects. Intrusive thoughts / racing mind seem to be the most distressing of all the side effects and people will try many things to stop them. Distraction, keeping busy, trying to think of other things, Vitamins, increasing or decreasing your anti-depressants, searching and searching on the internet for an answer ……… when all this does is cause even more anxiety. Worrying, thinking, analysing all this will do nothing at all for you. Breaking the worry is the second key to recovering. When you have a fearsome, anxious thought (along with any anxiety feeling that washes over you) you need to let that thought come, let it be there, but you need to then resist analysing that thought, replaying it over in your head, looking at it from all angles ……. because you’ve already had the thought and analysing etc is just adding on more thoughts about the thought. By thinking about the thought you’re keeping that thought replaying round and round your head, keeping that fear locked in. You can’t stop those intrusive thoughts but you can stop the analysis of it. Ok that intrusive thought will be present and it will hang over you - let it. Just resist the temptation to check it out or analyse it. Even positive affirmations are secondary thinking (thinking about the think) ie you have a fearsome thought of you might harm someone and you then think ‘ah its just anxiety, it will go’. Well that is secondary thinking too. So resist any secondary thoughts about the first thought. I see all too often people will read this, say ok I get it, I know what I must try to do ………. and then in the next breath they’ll say ‘its just that I’m worried about being stuck like this’ ….. or, ‘its just that I’m worried about the palpitations’. And there they go again with that ‘worried’ word. Again this is head chatter / secondary thinking. You know you’re worried about not recovering or the palpitations so let that thoughts come, but don’t analyse it. Once that thought has popped into your head its done, its the past, its history, its happened - do not head chat about it. So that ‘worried’ word should be ‘worr…..’ stopping it in its tracks. Stopping secondary thing isn’t easy and don’t expect to do it once and then feel relief from anxiety. You won’t - not yet anyway. But what you might start to find is your head might start to feel a little less cloudy, and that’s because you’re stopping all that head chatter. You’re giving your mind a rest. Stopping the head chatter takes time, so practicing it one day doesn’t mean tomorrow you’ll be anxiety free - but - continued practice will bring about the relief you so desire. On your journey to recovery you will take the anxiety with you, and during this time the it will fluctuate many times, so some days you’ll feel bad and some days slightly better, some weeks you’ll feel bad and some weeks slightly better. This is how recovery works - so understand anxiety and side effects, let those thoughts be there (don’t stop them), don’t add on any head chatter about them (resist the temptation), expect the anxiety to fluctuate, let as much time pass as it needs to and let anxiety walk alongside you on your journey. A thought came to me the other night about how to explain primary and secondary thoughts, and how to deal with them - something I talk of regularly. So ... here’s a test I’d like you to try: Pick up a pen. Look at the pen for a little while. Put the pen down and walk away. Strange? So the pen represents a daily thought you have, any thought, good or bad. This is how everyone’s thoughts pops into our minds. Looking at it means you’ve registered it in your mind for a while, and putting it down and walking away is you just leaving it and forgetting about it. This is how normal daily thoughts come and go. So, now we’ll try it again but with something different. Pick up a pen. Look at it for a little while. Write your name. Draw on your arm. Look at the pen again and observe the colour, the style, does it have black or blue ink, or even another colour, is the pen slim or is it a chunky pen, does it have a tiny fluffy toy on the end, do you have to click it or swivel to reveal the nib, where did you buy the pen, maybe someone gave it to you, who gave it to you, when did they give it to you, how long will the pen last before it breaks, why did you write on your arm, what did you write, how much did you write, will it wash off, how did you write your name on the paper, is your name short or long, were you named after anyone, is it a family name ......... ...... these questions can be endless, and one leads to another. So, again the pen was your thought again, only this time it was accompanied by anxiety, writing on your arm and the paper were 2 separate side effects which were caused by the pen, and the analysis of the pen is the head chatter you do about the anxious thought. Can you see that the analysis of the pen and it’s side effects keeps the thought of the pen in your mind - because let’s face it, you probably didn’t think of anything else then. So it’s the analysis of the pen (head chatter) that you need to stop in order for you to be able to lose that thought. Ok, so the pen didn’t make you feel anxious, and I did think about saying every thought you have about the pen you’re to poke yourself in the arm with the nib to represent the anxiety feeling ...... but nah, we can imagine the anxiety, not create pain. So, how do we stop the head chatter? Let’s now try the next test: Pick up the pen (represents the anxious thought). Feel it in your hand (awareness of the thought being there). Do not look at the pen, however much you want to, do not look at it. Not a glimpse. Just feel it in your hand. Now go and pour yourself a glass of water and still do not look at the pen, but only feel it in your hand (best use a plastic cup being one handed lol). Next pick up some fruit or a biscuit or something to eat, again not looking at the pen, just being aware of the feeling in your hand. Finally, put the pen down. So that last exercise represented you having the thought arrive in your mind (picking up the pen), and just holding it and feeling it is you being aware the thought is present in your mind. Not looking at the pen is you not revisiting the thought to analyse it, and pouring yourself a cup of water, eating food whilst still holding the pen is you going about your day taking the thought with you and being aware of its presence, and resisting looking at it is you not head chattering about it. This is what I mean about primary and secondary thoughts. The primary thought is the pen and the secondary thoughts are the head chatter / analysis of the pen. We stop the secondary thoughts even though we’ll be aware of them for a while (carrying the pen, feeling it and being aware of it). Head chatter (secondary thoughts) about the primary thought (or pen) will keep the awareness of the primary thought constantly revolving round your mind. You cannot find an answer to the anxious thought and it doesn’t matter because you can’t solve an unsolvable question. By stopping the secondary thoughts then I can guarantee you the primary thought will lose its grip on you, you will lose the fear of it and you will be able to put the pen down and walk away in time. If you keep reminding yourself of the intrusive thought that you want to lose, then you won’t if you keep head chattering about it or anything to do with the anxiety condition. You probably have multiple thoughts and you don’t have to treat each one separately, one at a time. So pick up all the pens in your pencil case and carry them around not looking at any of them. Not one. This is how to treat ALL anxious thinking. You don’t separate each one, treating each one at a time - however many pens you pick up, treat them all at the same time. Stop head chattering about the thought, just be aware of any thought as you go about your day and the thought will go. Stop thinking about the think. An over active mind is a very common side effect when you have anxiety, as your mind frantically tries to fathom out what's wrong with you, tries to fix the thoughts that come in thick and fast, tries to find an answer to these dreadful feelings you're experiencing ........ but sadly all you'll be doing is adding more thinking to the thinking. This head chatter will keep you ill, will keep the anxiety cycle rotating over and over, because the thoughts will cause anxiety and the anxiety will cause the thoughts. It has to stop somewhere in the circle, and that falls first with the thoughts. You can't stop the thoughts coming into your head, and if you try stopping them then you just make this situation worse. Ask yourself - have you been trying to stop them? Has it worked? Have you been battling with this for a long time? I guess the answer will be yes you've been trying to stop them, no, it hasn't worked and you're still plagued by the thoughts, and yes you've been doing this for a long time ..... which means you're doing it wrong. Isn't it about time to approach this from another angle? If nothing has helped, then what have you to lose by try this? We can't control what thoughts pop into our minds, BUT we can control how we deal with those thoughts. That is the answer. Whatever thought you have about your anxiety, your fears, your compulsions, your questions, your affirmations ..... anything ..... whatever thought pops into your mind, take it no further. I have talked about primary and secondary thoughts before, and as this is something people ask about the most, I thought I'd do another post on it. The primary thought is any thought that pops into your head, whether its about your shopping list, your family, what you're doing, your holiday ....... or whether its about anxiety, your fears etc. All these are thoughts and they're primary thoughts. You cannot stop these coming - your mind creates them. The secondary thought is any thought about the original primary thought ie: Primary thought - I'm going on holiday next week. Secondary thoughts - what shall I take, when shall I start packing, I wonder how hot it will be, who'll feed the cat ....... etc etc. This is how our thoughts work, and this is perfectly normal to think this way and should carry on. However, your anxiety thoughts might be like this: Primary thought - I want to harm someone. Anxiety will spike here...... Secondary thoughts - why do I think like this, I don't want to do this, yes I do want to do this, no I don't, I'm going crazy, when will it stop, I feel so frightened etc etc. In order to stop our intrusive / anxious thoughts, we need to allow the primary thoughts to continue to happen, observe them, let them be in our head, but we need stop the secondary thoughts / stop the HEAD CHATTER. We stop thinking about the think. You need to understand that the primary intrusive thoughts WILL continue to come for a while, and the feelings of anxiety will continue to flow each time you have one of these thoughts. So allow the primary thought to pop up, expect to have a pang of anxiety, know that thought will be in your head ..... BUT do not be tempted to revisit that thought with any head chatter about it at all, no replaying any scenario's over in your head, no affirmations 'it'll be ok' etc, no chatter about that thought at all, even though you're aware the primary thought is present in your head. Yes you can secondary think about your normal day to day thoughts ie about that holiday etc., but I want you to resist secondary thinking / head chatter / actually 'saying' the secondary words in your head about anything to do with any primary intrusive thought that's connected to your anxiety. Understand this is NOT to give you any instant relief from your feelings or thoughts, but it is changing the way you deal with your intrusive thoughts which will in time give you relief. You will feel frustrated and you will question 'am I doing it right'. Try it for an hour or try it for just a day. What have you to lose? I was quite surprised by doing this and found relief came quicker than I thought. Yes you will have to repeat this over and over, and you will despair at times. You may start to feel a difference and then find yourself slipping back into the secondary thinking again. That's fine, it will happen. Just pick yourself up again and try again. You are changing the way you deal with these intrusive thoughts, and over time they will lose their grip on you, will slowly stop coming, the anxiety will ease and as even more time passes the anxiety and thoughts will stop and they won't bother you anymore. Why? Because the anxiety stops, this in turn stops the thoughts, so no more thoughts also equals no more anxiety. The intensity of the anxiety will no longer come. You have broken the anxiety cycle. If you're taking SSRI medicine, then this has the same effect too by breaking the cycle, but isn't it fantastic if you can do this yourself? This will ALWAYS stand by you whatever happens, and you will no longer fear going into the anxiety cycle because you will know your way out. That fear will be no longer. You can do this whilst taking medicine or not. Medicine is there to help you too. For more information on this method read Paul David's book At Last a Life and more specifically Will Beswick's book The Mind Works. Link for comments is above by the title ... One of the things we all seem to do when we’re first ill with anxiety is go on the search for an explanation, a cure, a quick fix …… something that will help. I did exactly the same, but in my case mine was all through books because the internet hadn’t been invented when I was first ill. Because anxiety is something you’ve never experienced in your life, have never felt anything quite like it before, it confuses and frightens you, and even when you’re diagnosed with anxiety, it doesn’t give you the relief you so desperately want. So we all go on the internet prowl searching for that magic formula / cure that will make us well in an instant. I’m sorry to say that there isn’t one - not an instant one anyway. But, you will recover from this, anxiety is not a permanent condition, though you just need to slow down. You will no doubt spend every day searching on the internet and come across all sorts of help, from professional therapies to pills and potions, relaxation, audio tapes, and tips and tricks. If someone had said to me when I was ill, that they could cure me but would have to cut my arm off, I’d have said ‘do it’!! That’s how desparate I was…… You will probably be collecting various website links that you’ll store, and make note of different remedies and slowly your collection of help will grow along with various supplements in order for you to fight this thing. This is fine, but they’ll start to conflict with each other and you’ll wonder which route you should follow, which is the true remedy. Sometimes you’ll come across sites, sayings, paragraphs etc that will scare you - oh, you hadn’t thought about that!!! There are lots of scaremongering stories out there ……. There is no outside force doing this to you, no amount of supplements will remedy this, and whatever you do DO NOT throw your money at some online promise of an instant cure. If money is required, then quite honestly they're a business and just after your money and do not have your interest at heart. So - I have one more tip to add to your collection - STOP searching on the internet and throw away all those bits of information you’ve gathered, because you’re only adding to the burden of anxiety, the tiredness you drag around with you all day, those tips and tricks you keep in your head, the affirmations …… just chuck them all away. I’ve had 41 years of experience of anxiety, and can honestly say that I found the answers I needed when I came across Dr Weekes, Paul David’s and Will Beswicks books. THIS is the answer to what you are searching for - Understanding Anxiety. Often though, people don’t want to believe the cure comes from inside you, or indeed can’t see that it can, and surely there must be a magic pill out there still? Trouble is, when you’re in the midst of anxiety you won’t be able to see past it, can’t understand that stress started this, anxiety frightened you, your thoughts are keeping you ill as well as your fear of the physical feelings. Believe me - this is absolutely true. If you’ve been ‘fighting’ anxiety for a while now, and are still looking for that magic cure, are still suffering in the same way, then surely that means that whatever you’re doing isn’t working. So why not try something else. Why not try this just for a day, or even an hour Intrusive / Negative Thoughts. You will be surprised ...... Go on - just try it for an hour...... what have you got to lose? I'm reading a new book called How the Mind Works and which is along the same lines as the Paul David book and Dr Weekes method. The author Will, talks of primary and secondary thoughts, which is what I've talked about in other posts in a different way. As I've said, the anxiety condition starts from stress, and this stress produces adrenaline which makes the body become sensitised, so over time you'll respond more and more quickly to the stress, causing more adrenaline which will eventually build to such a point that it has nowhere to go, no outlet and the result will be anxiety. Anxiety is simply an outpouring of excess adrenaline. When the anxiety strikes it will terrify you, and you'll automatically start to over-think, trying to make sense of what just happened, why it happened, where is came from, why, what if, omg, why ....... etc etc. If you had understood that the anxiety came from being over stressed, that it was adrenaline releasing itself, then you'd have probably felt a bit uncomfortable and simply moved on in life. The confusion of what it was will obviously cause us to try and make sense of it all and hence the mind will start to race, trying to find a reason and a way to fix it. Its often this over thinking that then keeps the intrusive thought to repeat which causes the anxiety to repeat too. The over thinking can start to cause us to feel more anxiety, and if a particular thought spikes anxiety then that thought will more than likely stick in your head, and this thought will now keep popping up and each time it will cause anxiety to spike. So the anxiety caused the thought and this thought now causes anxiety (chicken / egg scenario). You will of course continue with the over thinking, again trying to make sense of why this thought is present, and each time you over think you'll be causing even more anxiety. Can you see how this cycle starts? This new book describes our thoughts as primary and secondary thoughts. The primary thought is any thought and even the intrusive thought that pops up in your mind, and the secondary thought is the analysis, questioning, worry, regret etc of that primary thought. Its the secondary thoughts that keeps you trapped in the cycle of intrusive thoughts / negative thinking / anxiety. After any thought (primary thought) we have a cut-off point which naturally happens and allows the thought to flow through and out …. and disappear. This is what happens to all our everyday thoughts - and lets face it, if our thoughts didn't disappear from our minds we'd be overrun with them!!! Usually what happens with an intrusive thought is that when the primary thought (or intrusive thought) pops up, we feel compelled to revisit that thought to question why its there, how long will it stay, how awful it makes us feel and generally over analyse it thoroughly (these are the secondary thoughts). Also when the primary thought pops up, we immediately tense in readiness for fight or flight, causing anxiety. This is its panic point. To rid yourself of these intrusive thoughts you need to just allow the intrusive thought to pop up (it will anyway), and DO NOT go back and revisit that thought with the secondary thoughts ie the questions, analysis, negative thoughts etc etc. Nothing at all. Also as the primary thought pops up, just leave it to run without forcefully thinking of it, and as the cut-off naturally happens we need to RELAX - release that tension that always comes with the intrusive thought.. This will allow the intrusive thought to flow through and out. Doing this once will not cure the intrusive thoughts, BUT this process needs repeating many times over, and in time the thoughts will stop coming, and if they do in the future they will naturally be allowed to pass through as with any other thought you have. Remember - these intrusive thoughts are a side effect of anxiety, and its the secondary thoughts (questioning, analysis, worry) that keep the intrusive thoughts coming in a continuous loop and why we're stuck in the anxiety cycle, and the reason these intrusive thoughts keep coming is because we do not allow them to flow through and out because we always feel compelled to revisit that thought to analyse every bit of it from every angle. Let them go, do nothing ....... you will heal. For more information read the books by Paul David and Will Beswick. All posts from my other Blog have been transferred over to here (my original website). The reason for the change is that the old blog site was independent from this website plus leaving comments was often temperamental. I hope this doesn't cause too much disruption if you've been following my posts. ... and ... test it out, leave a comment here, or chat to others who comment too. Emails are required but are never published (though if you don't want to put your email for me to see then make one up - it still works) 🤣 Letting Time Pass - or in layman's terms, be patient. Dr Claire Weekes used the term Let Time Pass, and this is something you'll have to get used to because nothing you do will make recovery happen any quicker than it wants to. Being patient is one of the hardest things to do when you have anxiety, because we all want to be well RIGHT NOW. The thought of having to spend another day feeling wretched is often too much to bear, but sadly this is what you have to do. I've heard so many people say "I'm sick of all this, I've had enough and I can't wait months to recover". Well ok, but what are you going to do then? You have 2 choices - you either wait patiently to recover or you rush off, change your meds, search of Google once again for a quick fix cure (there is none by the way), and charge about in life hoping you'll out run it. The quickest way to recover is to wait patiently, because the more you chase recovery, the more you get upset and impatient, then the more you'll have to wait because you often end up pushing recovery further away. I often explain to people about letting time pass, being patient, and I hear "yes I understand it'll take time, though I need to be well for this holiday I've got coming up". Or, "yes I understand, but I've taken meds for 8 weeks now so shouldn't I be better"? This is not being patient. You can't say you understand and in the next breath be questioning the time it takes. You cannot put a timescale on how long it takes - stop clock watching. It doesn't matter if you've been ill for 2 months, 2 years or 20 years and it doesn't matter if you're not well by that next holiday, by Christmas or what other important date you've got coming up. Recovery will take its own time for you - you are unique and recovery will be different for you as it is to the next person. Theirs might take 3 months and yours might take 9 months, or theirs might take a year and yours 4 months. Do not compare your recovery timescale to anyone else's. Theirs is unique for their body and yours is unique for yours. So ........ Let time pass - after all, good things are worth waiting for ..... Understanding I had an overactive nervous system was the biggest break-through for me in recovering from 16 years of chronic anxiety. This is the only thing that is wrong with you. Your nervous system is on constant high alert. Anxiety is the result of stress. We all get stressed - it’s our body’s natural alarm system warning us there is danger present. After the danger has passed our body will return to normal. However - if you have stress on a regular basis, time after time, for a long period of time, then it will begin to have an effect on your body and your life. Stress releases the hormone adrenaline which this increases your heart rate, blood pressure, dilates your pupils, makes your breathing become rapid - all in preparation to deal with the ‘danger’ you’re faced with. We all have our own limit to how much stress we can cope with - overload at work, relationship problems, children, caring for ageing parents ……. anything can cause our stress to build, which will make your nervous system start to become heightened. If you don’t get relief from the stress and you continue to push your body, it will get to a point when your body has had enough and it can result in a panic attack or anxiety. This is just your body saying it has had enough and it needs to relax in order to recover so your nervous system can return to normal. But … now that you’ve had the experience of a panic attack or anxiety, this will feel very frightening and you become afraid of this feeling. Your mind will begin to race as you try to make sense of it all, and this will bring on more and more anxiety. You will probably start to experience intrusive thoughts about anything and everything - frightening thoughts that also cause anxiety, adding more anxiety onto the anxiety you already have. Your body will probably shake, your heart will pound, your head hurt, your sleep will be disturbed, appetite affected, you wonder where to turn, what to do, and above anything else you’ll be completely confused about what is happening to you. You will no doubt start searching the internet for answers, hoping for that instant relief, will gather information up, wonder which piece you should follow, you’ll become scared at some things you read ie about people who haven’t recovered, scaremonger stories about how medicines can make you worse etc etc. You are now susceptible to feel bad things that you read, and you’ll take on all the negative stories than you will the positive ones. You will look for an instant cure, someone to talk to who will take away your suffering, go from Doctor to Doctor, treatment to treatment, medicine to medicine, making yourself worse as you fight this ‘thing’. There is no instant cure. But … you can be cured. It takes times - lots of time. The first fear (anxiety / panic) always coms first - the second fear (constant ruminating, worry, trying to fix) comes second, and its this second fear that keeps you constantly sensitised. It feeds it. First you have to understand that this ‘thing’ comes from inside you. It is nothing more than an overactive nervous system - your body became sensitised from being stressed, and sensation means your nervous system is on high alert - it notices every thought and feeling to an extreme, and we find it very hard to focus on anything else but how we think and feel. Sensitisation means we have too much stress hormone in our body and it needs releasing - deep breathing, exercise etc help calm your nervous system. The medicine calms your nervous system (as does the book method) and all thoughts and feelings will return to normal. You need to understand and ACCEPT this in order to move forwards. Accepting means that the cure comes from within. FACING your fears - now that’s a hard one. Changing the way you react to your fear is key. Every time you feel anxiety, whether its about going out, being afraid of your physical health, afraid of the intrusive thoughts etc, instead of recoiling in fear and panicking about them and thinking ‘what to do, why me, how do I, oh I’ll never be free’ etc etc, instead you need to relax towards the feelings and thoughts, let them come and go, then you will in time lose the fear of them. No its not easy, yes it will feel uncomfortable, no it will not give you instant relief, yes it takes time, yes you will fail many times, yet you can do this!!! I know you’re saying ‘its ok for you, but I have ‘such and such’ fear and if only I can get passed that I’ll be ok. No - this is not accepting and facing. Again you’re saying but, but, but …….. Exactly what I said. It doesn’t matter what fear you have, it doesn’t matter what weird and intrusive thought or compulsion you have - this works. Whenever your thought crops up, relax towards it and remind yourself that this is your heightened nervous system that is causing this. Your body needs a break - it needs relaxation. The intrusive thoughts will continue to come - and wy shouldn’t they, they’ve been a habit for a while now and will take a while before they disappear. See my post on Dealing with Scary Thoughts. When you have an intrusive thought dominant in your mind, by changing the way you react to it will take away the importance of it and it will lose its power. Believe me - I was plagued with scary thoughts for 16 years, with one always becoming more dominant than another. I was like you, I never believed I’d ever be free of anxiety. It was other people who recovered - not me. That change when I learnt it was just my nervous system that had become heightened and was causing my body to be sensitised. For further information read the books by Dr Claire Weekes and Paul David. You can do this. I did……. Anxiety my friend? How on earth can something so dreadful be your friend? You can recover from anxiety with medicine, with understanding (see Paul David's book), with either or both. Medicine certainly has its place and is there to help you, so if you are prescribed medicine then don't worry about it - just take it, its there for a reason. Some people feel ashamed they've resorted to anti-depressants, or feel they're weak. You're not. If you had a broken leg you wouldn't be expected to suffer without taking painkillers, or if you had high blood pressure, again you wouldn't be expected to fix this yourself without medicine. So anti-depressants are there to help you just the same as any other medicine will help any other ailment. There is nothing wrong with taking them - I certainly did, and for 16 years too. They were an absolutely godsend for me. I would absolutely recommend you equip yourself with understanding anxiety - knowledge is power. If you don't know what's happening to you then it will frighten you, will add to your worries and add anxiety onto the anxiety you already have. When I began to understand anxiety it took away a huge amount of confusion and fear, and enabled me to just follow one path. Admittedly I wasn't able to put into place exactly what I'd learnt, as 16 years of anxiety is a hard habit to break, but as I started to recover on SSRI's I began to see it even clearer and was able to look down on anxiety rather than through it. One thing to know is that when you recover you don't just leave anxiety behind, but you take it with you on your journey towards recovering, and along that route you'll go through a mix of hellish days, ok days, bad days, good days, rock bottom days, flat days, ok days, bad days, really good days ........ so when you have a good days followed by bad ones, don't despair, just understand that this is all part of recovery. Let anxiety walk beside you as you recover, because it will anyway even if you don't want it to. The key to recovery is changing our attitude towards anxiety. Fearing it spikes more anxiety, this anxiety creates side effects, racing mind, intrusive thoughts all which cause more anxiety - yet allowing anxiety to be there, relax towards it, letting rage about you like a hurricane overhead, paying no attention to it whilst you carry on, is facing it. By doing this you re-educate your brain to not fear it, and the fear will slowly die. Yes its uncomfortable, you won't feel it working and you certainly won't feel better overnight, but it works in time. You can't do this without the anxiety being present - how can you practice riding a bike if you don't have a bike? So welcome anxiety, because you need it to be present in order to practice riding it through. Let it be your friend. Believe me - I've been there Get the book - At Last a Life!! Depersonalisation can feel strange - as if you're in another world. I had this too, and it felt as if my head was in a goldfish bowl and I was looking out at the world, watching others go about their life feeling normal and happy, and I so longed to be able to join them. Some people refer to it as if being in a dream, feeling detached from reality, a dull head, fuzzy thoughts, sluggish brain or brainfog. They are all the same thing. Worrying about this feeling is pointless - its a side effect of anxiety, and to worry about it causes tension, dread, fear of it which all then causes more anxiety, keeping you in the constant anxiety loop. But its hard not to get frustrated with it, as it seems the harder you try and escape from it, the harder you'll feel stuck in it. So what is it exactly? When you have anxiety your thoughts will start to turn inwards - your mind will constantly be trying to work out what's wrong, will try and find ways to 'fix' things, will no doubt be consumed with intrusive thoughts which the mind will also try and solve, you'll constantly think about all the other things you're feeling ie the racing heart, panic, lump in your throat, fear of leaving your home ....... and so many other thoughts that constantly crowd your mind. This is tiring. Everyone in the world has constant thoughts, but their thoughts are usually about things outside of their body, of things they need to do, work, friends, exciting hobbies, holidays etc etc ... the general everyday thoughts you used to have. These thoughts flit in and out with some are hardly noticed and others usually forgotten about. Though people have the same amount of thoughts as an anxious person does, the difference is they don't dwell on them, they don't constantly over analyse why they have this symptom or that symptom, and above all, they don't constantly think of themselves and how to fix things. This is what makes our mind so tired, and this is what begins to make you feel detached from the world. We become so consumed by the way we feel and think that we find it hard to think of anything else, concentrate on anything, read a book, watch TV or even hold a conversation with someone. Understand this feeling will go as the anxiety eases. Its a side effect. But what can you do in the meantime? The way to move forward is to try not to obsess about the symptoms that anxiety is producing. They are only present because you have anxiety (like a runny nose accompanies a cold). Worrying about the side effects will just cause more anxiety, so just try and let those side effects be there, nothing will happen to you - understand that they will disappear as you recover from anxiety. Take the feelings with you, work with them there, have small conversations with others even if it feels a little odd, don't beat yourself up and be impatient with yourself - it takes time to recover, don't try and escape from this feeling - just let it be (you'll find it'll disappear by itself), understand this is temporary and it'll go as anxiety eases, if you need to retreat at times and be by yourself - that fine, we all need our own space, so again don't beat yourself up about it - but try not to isolate yourself too much / too often, try not to over analyse every little symptom you have - again let things be. As you become less aware of yourself the brainfog will lift. That's a promise. So stop worrying about the brainfog, as that worry is causing it to remain. Another explanation of how to 'not engage' with anxiety and its scary thoughts: I often say anxiety behaves like a naughty child - so treat it the same. It'll scream and shout at you, which is distressing, but react and show the child attention, argue with it and the child will just carry on ... but ignore it, relax and carry on with whatever you're doing and, like the child, it'll get bored and go away. The naughty child will keep bursting back into the room to have another go at you (blips), but again ignore this, carry on and the child will eventually calm down and go find something else to do. Someone I chatted to the other day sent me a link to some Youtube video's which I found excellent (though I haven't yet listen to all of them yet). They're by a man called David Daish who also suffered from anxiety and he used Dr Claire Weeke's books and method - the same as I did - and this is the same method I constantly talk about here on this blog. Though the Dr Weeke's books and those by Paul David are easy to read and follow, some people are just too tired to concentrate on a book, so these video's might be a good alternative as all you have to do is listen to his lovely mellow voice. Sadly I understand David Daish has passed away, and I'm sure many of us would like to thank him for all his hard work in recording these video's to help others. I hope you find them very useful. Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/user/OldRockMan58/videos I know, another post about thoughts, but this is often one of the most distressing side effects anxiety brings to the table. Someone asked me the other day just what did I mean about 'allowing the thoughts to be there and not engaging with them'. I know I've posted about this before, but I came up with a better explanation: So ....... first understand that you won't be rid of these thoughts in an instant (but they will go), and secondly remember they are a side effect of anxiety, and as anxiety eases so too will the thoughts. And this is the way I explained about 'not engaging': We all have our own frightening thoughts - god knows I had plenty, each one seemed scarier than the last. So as an example, imagine I had a frightening thought about a pink elephant (yes, I know .... its first thing that came to my mind), and the pink elephant dogged my every second of my day, producing constant fear and terror. The very thought of him spikes anxiety, I hated his size, those big feet, his smell, his look ...... anything about him. My mind will try and work out a solution as to why its there and how to rid myself of this horrendous thought, and so it'll begin ... 'why am I afraid of a pink elephant', 'where has it come from', 'how big is the pink elephant', 'my he's got huge feet', 'what if the elephant gets too near', 'what if the elephant has a friend', 'how can I stop thinking of the pink elephant and his friend', 'what if I'm like this forever' ....... on and on those questions will churn over in my head, day after day, with each question causing more anxiety. Its those questions that keep the pink elephant seem larger than life (ok, I know they're big animals, but you get what I mean). The anxiety from the questions feeds the anxiety about the elephant. Yes the pink elephant will continue be there but stop all those questions about him. Yes the questions will come but just don't follow them through - let them come and go. Allow the pink elephant to be in your head, but don't engage with him. Let him accompany you for now whilst you get on with your day - just don't engage with him. Let the question float around but don't mull it over. This is helping to break the constant anxiety cycle. Eventually over time the pink elephant won't seem as scary and he'll just trump off back to the jungle or wherever he came from. This takes time, so don't expect him to pack his trunk tomorrow - it'll be a while yet. Treat all scary thought like this - they're all the same, but just with different hats on. One important note to remember - yes, you will fail at times at not engaging with your thought, that's only natural. Its a habit and habits take time to break. Don't beat yourself up it you fail - but just try again. Just try not engaging with what ever your pink elephant thought is. If you have more than one frightening thought (as I did), then treat them all the same. They will in time lose their importance and the anxiety they produce will start to ease. Honestly, this really does work. Anxiety will make you think and feel constantly negative, but understanding this is anxiety and not you can make it a little easier to cope with. I know you feel scared inside but every time you have a negative thought try and follow it up with 'its just anxiety talking, this isn't the real me and I'll think differently when I'm better'. That's what I used to say - and it does help. I see so many people writing for example:
....... and more All these are negatives, and quite honestly its pointless worrying about them because they're just side effects of one thing. Anxiety. Those worries are only there because you have anxiety, and its the anxiety that makes you think like this. Can you see that these worries add to the cycle of anxiety? By thinking and worrying like this, it causes anxiety and the anxiety causes the thoughts. There are many aspects to help break the constant cycle, and one of them is to accept these thoughts are due to anxiety, let them come and go, don't try and analyse why you have them, don't try and work them out ...... but when you have a thought like this follow it up with a positive one. No you won't feel joy from the positive thought, and it won't stop the anxiety - but it helps. I did this time after time, and it felt like I was just saying a positive parrot fashion. Sometimes someone will write to me about their fears and worries, and I try to explain why these thoughts are present etc ........ and often the sufferer will say yes I understand that, it makes sense, that makes me feel good ...... BUT I worry I won't be able to apply that ..... and off they go again with the negatives. Its easy to slip back into negative thinking, and it won't stop overnight I know. However, understanding this is anxiety doing this and not you can help you see it in a different light. Just try it - follow up with a little positive thought. Mine reassurance was always the same line 'but I won't think like this when I'm better'. Remember - I'm not a doctor or in any way medically trained Always consult your own Doctor Recovery from anxiety can be different from what you expect. We don't just take a pill and the anxiety fades away over a few weeks ..... often we take anxiety with us right throughout recovery to the very end. By that I mean that anxiety is worst for us in the mornings upon waking. The stress hormone cortisol is released by the adrenal glands in response to fear or stress. Researchers have studied the cortisol awakening response (CAR) and have found that cortisol is highest in the first hour of waking for people with an increased level of stress in their lives. This helps explain why you may experience an increase in anxiety in the morning. What you eat and drink first thing in the morning can also contribute to higher levels of anxiety in the early hours of the day. Caffeine and sugar can increase anxiety symptoms. But low blood sugar due to a lack of food can make anxiety symptoms worse. So however bad you feel in the morning, its not an indication how the rest of your day will pan out. Don't let anxiety fool you into thinking 'uh oh, another bad day'!! Because anxiety dominates our every waking minute, it overpowers other recovery symptoms - these could be improved sleep, better appetite, thinking a little more clearly, feeling a little less agitated, concentration improved etc etc., but we don't recognise these signs as recovery because we're all too consumed with the dreadful feeling of anxiety, that we just don't often realise that we are slowly getting better. It sort of creeps up on you unawares. But if you actually look back to how you were at the start of your anxiety to where you are now you may see a slight difference, despite still suffering with chronic anxiety. Don't try and rid yourself of anxiety, because that's one battle you're sure to fail at and will make you feel frustrated, upset, stressed and probably make you feel even more anxious. You cannot stop anxiety dead in its tracks, but instead understand that you need to take it with you whilst you recover. So ... every morning you wake full of anxiety, remember its just doing its worst because of Cortisol. It will lower throughout the day, even just a little. For me, I started getting glimpses of normality in the evenings. It started one night and I remember the relief I felt ... and I even sort of kept looking for 'it'! It felt truly wonderful!! Imagine my disappointment when I woke the next day full of anxiety again, and I couldn't understand why I'd had that brief moment feeling well. That evening the same happened again - I felt relaxed and free of my thoughts ...... What was happening? Night after night this happened and yet I still didn't realise this was recovery. Over the next few weeks / months this feeling spread further, with it starting earlier in the evening - I then began to wonder if this was recovery. More time passed and it began starting in the afternoon, then early afternoon, midday, late morning, mid morning .......... until I woke up one day feeling relaxed, warm, cosy ...... it was then I knew 'it' had gone. Throughout all this time though, I still got those blips where I felt wretched all day and night, often for a week or more. This eventually passed and I went back into the bad morning / good nights. Each stage I passed I thought 'ok, I can live with this if it just means I'll be well in the evenings' etc. At least I was getting some relief. Even when the anxiety finally left me around 6 months, I still wasn't completely out of the woods. I still had the occasional blip after 'I'd recovered', but by then it was more of a flat feeling, as if my body was going through the motions of a blip but without all the drama. Even today, 20+ years since my recovery, I still get the occasional flat time which I recognise as a blip, but which doesn't bother me at all. I know these happen when I've 'burnt the candle at both ends' and have pushed myself too much and not got enough sleep - this is when my body tells me to watch it. So I remedy that with getting to bed early, slowing down more and yes sure enough I start feeling more energised and much better. So - listen to your body, even when you are well. So ... take the anxiety with you, let it be there, work with it, live with it ... for now. It will go. Remember ... you wouldn't be able to heal a broken leg in an instant and you'd live with the pain and discomfort whilst it heals. Same with anxiety. After all ..... good things take time. Dr Claire Weekes talks of accepting - when I was ill it took me a long time to understand what this meant exactly. I'd get cross and say 'ok I understand I'm ill, so how does that help'? Accepting does mean that and more. It means you of course understand you're ill but you have to also understand that those thoughts and feelings are going to be with you for quite a while yet and that you need to work with them there. You can't get rid of it all in an instant. That's acceptance. Acceptance of it all. I often pass this on to others and they often come back and say 'ok I understand that, BUT I have this particular thought .......' or 'that makes sense, BUT I'm sick of the thoughts and desperate to be better'. That is not accepting - they've done exactly the opposite. How can you accept something but still complain about it? Accepting means accept / put up with everything, completely everything without question about what is happening to you. Of course there'll always be questions and doubts - I was exactly the same. Am I on the right path, are the meds working, why have I got this thought etc etc., but though those thoughts kept coming I just let them come, I accepted they would and learnt to not engage with them. The anxiety was rife, it peaked and eased throughout the day and though I longed for it to go away I again learnt to accept the anxiety would be there ... for now anyway. I allowed it to be there (well, where else was it going to go anyway)? So I let it be, I let it do its worst, and even in those darkest times I just let it do what it had to do. That was accepting its presence. Of course there were times when I just couldn't take it anymore, I crumbled and I felt like a failure. You will too, and thats perfectly normal. We're only human, and remember ... Rome wasn't built in a day. After each crumble I'd just pick myself up and carry on as before. Accepting. If you had a cold you'd just accept you had one and wouldn't spend your day trying to work out why you had it or try and rid yourself of it. Yes you'd take some headache pills and hot drinks no doubt, but you'd know it was a cold and you'd just put up with it until it went away. This is what you need to do with anxiety and its thoughts. Let it be, accept you've got it, don't question why, but understand the thoughts are only there because you have anxiety and the anxiety is there because you may have been stressed or something else thats brought it about. Stop trying to fix it. Stand aside, let it be and your body will do the rest. Accept it all and let it pass. It will - it always does. I often talk about letting thoughts be there and not engaging with them, so here’s another way of my explanation: You know how annoying it is when you get a song in your head that just plays over and over, you may find yourself humming along without thinking of it and then finally shout ‘oh just go away’. It happens all the time, doesn’t it…… So - what do we do when we have a tune stuck in our head? We just let it be there and get on with life and that tune slowly disappears - in fact a few days later we can’t even remember what the dam song was. Imagine when you have that tune you do the same to it as you do those fearful, obsessive thoughts that haunt you. You go around worrying why you have this tune going round in your head, you try and sing something else, you over analyse it and realise maybe its because it belongs to an album and … oh my gosh, all those other songs on that album must be important too and so you then become fearful about them too ….. On and on that song goes and now the others also play round and round in your head, daily, whilst you struggle to rid yourself of them. This is tiring (hence the weird head detachment), the frustration and the added anxiety. So - as said, when that tune pops into your head we simply just get a bit irritated with it and just get on with our life and that song disappears. THIS is what I mean about not engaging with it - let it be there and it will go. Ok so those thoughts you have come fired with anxiety compared to the song, but whatever feeling they bring its no different. I know how difficult it is letting a thought AND its anxiety be there, but you let both do the same. You have to take that anxiety with you as you stop engaging with the thought, let that anxiety rage and as the thought disappears so will that anxiety too. Fearful thoughts are a side effect of anxiety - and those fearful thoughts bring anxiety too which keeps you in a constant loop. This method will break that loop, the fearful anxious thought will ease and it’ll stop piling on more anxiety to the anxiety you fear. You can get rid of any thought like this. Let it be …… Many anxiety sufferers hide their condition from people because of others reactions towards those who suffer from anxiety / depression. Often you hear 'they need to pull their socks up, they're so selfish, should get out more, he/she's got everything they need so why are they depressed, how can they be depressed if they're smiling, its all in their mind, depression doesn't exist .......' and the list goes on ... and I've heard it all. Those who have never experienced 'true' anxiety / depression, have absolutely no idea of the pain, the suffering and the sheer misery of it all. The sufferer might paint a very grim picture when describing it - and believe me, the reality of it is far, far worse ..... more than you could ever imagine. People who are depressed / anxious don't 'choose' to be ill, they don't want this condition and they'd do anything to recover from it. They aren't doing this on purpose and if they could pull their socks up they would have done so a long time ago. Sufferers are allowed to smile - its a facial expression, but it doesn't mean that inside everything is ok. The family may be tired of it, but just think of the sufferer - they're far more tired of it than the family are because they're the ones suffering. Anxiety and depression are conditions, just the same as any other medical condition. If you have a family member or friend who is suffering with this type of condition, then please just be there for them. Never, ever tell them to just buck their ideas up and don't keep asking 'are you better yet'. They won't just get over this tomorrow - but they will in time. Stand by them and they'll forever be eternally grateful to you and love you more than you can ever imagine. If you're a sufferer and have a family member who seems uninterested in your condition or are tired of it, then please don't blame them either. Its very hard to understand what anxiety is if you've never suffered with it. I had no idea either and didn't know what it was when it hit me. Maybe show them this website / blog and even this blog post. It does seem a lonely business when you're suffering, but reach out to those who are suffering or have gone through it. We know what you're going through having been there ourselves. Stand by your loved ones - that bond will grow ever more stronger. I fully believe in the works by Dr Claire Weekes, and when I was ill it was THE only information that made perfect sense to me - more than any Doctor, Psychologist or Psychologist ever did. I longed for them to adopt this method so I could discuss it with them and move forward ....... this was back in the early 1980's. Things have certainly moved on since then. Though I recovered on medication Dr Weekes books helped me tremendously, and it was as I was recovering that the information made more and more sense and I could see anxiety for what it was. Since I've recovered someone passed me the link to Paul David's books and website and it made me very excited!! Here was someone who talked to same as I did - and yes, he'd also read the Dr Weekes information too. Paul's books are brilliant and talk in depth about why you're ill, why you're stuck in the cycle of anxiety, the side effects of anxiety and how to help yourself. There are many great videos on Youtube from or about Dr Claire Weekes which you may find very helpful. What she (and Paul David) says is so true - stop trying to avoid the feelings of anxiety but instead let it happen and pass through it to the other side. By doing this you're allowing the feeling to be there whilst you 'ignore' it. Its not comfortable ..... but by doing this the anxiety WILL slowly dissipate. There are many videos on Youtube and here is a couple to start you off: How to Recover (by Dr Claire Weekes) Heal your Anxiety by allowing your Anxiety (Nick Cascone talking of Dr Claire Weekes) Did you know that smiling actually spurs a little chemical reaction in the brain, releasing Dopamine and Serotonin ....... those feel good neurotransmitters. That age old saying 'cheer up and smile' is true ........ Science has shown that the mere act of smiling can lift your mood, lower stress, boost your immune system and possibly even prolong your life!!! Even if you don't 'feel' that smile, just the act of lifting the corners of your mouth really does make a difference. Try it ....... even just for 1 minute. Medication can take a long time to work (see SSRI's page). Never underestimate how long this takes - it can be months before you notice the slightest bit of ease in your anxiety and it can be 6 months or more until you feel recovered (it varies from person to person). Some people though don't respond to medication for all sorts of reasons, and sometimes it can be that you particularly need an SSRI, SNRI, MAOI, TCA etc because occasionally one of those will not be suitable for you - but you can't tell until you've tried the one you're for months first - so are you on the right medication? Someone I chat to had his DNA tested with a UK company online, which can tell him which medicine is more suitable for his body (personalised medicine). He only decided to go down this route because he's taken different types of one medicine for well over a year and hasn't felt the progress he had hoped for. His results were very interesting!! If this is something that interests you then PLEASE TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR FIRST AND DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR PRESCRIBED MEDICINE. I am not a doctor and this post is just another avenue if you feel you've exhausted all others and have taken meds for a very long time. Remember - SPEAK TO YOUR DOCTOR. |
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